Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A Road Trip To Self Discovery...

I haven't left the cloudy confines of the East Coast much in my life. The furthest I have traveled South has been the citrus filled state of Florida, while my West bound adventures have only led me to Ohio. I'm a homebody, even if I tell myself otherwise. I enjoy comfort, stability, and routine, as much as I claim I am a free bird. Over the years I have realized the cage that surrounds me has been more to pen myself in, and less to keep intruders out.

As my age as a sentient being has moved forward, I find myself screaming out loud a lot more. Raising my voice to proclaim, "I'm mad as hell, and not gonna take it anymore!" (As taken from the classic film, The Network), all the while taking "it" more than ever. Sitting hunched over daily, often in front of a computer screen trying to muster up some form of rejuvenated passion for life and my creative expression, I follow the same downward spiral that leads me to a night of restless sleep. The next day, repeat the process. Notice as I criticize, I'm the guy who previously stated I enjoy routine...See now how my sanity kicks rocks off the edge? I'm a walking, talking, vicious cycle.

The picture above is from Montana...and that is where the true story begins.

I've been releasing music commercially since 2006. I've been writing since 1996, and didn't understand how to write in bar form until 2002. Lately I've been questioning whether or not to even create music anymore. Fear that I'm yelling in a pasty white padded room where nobody can hear me, and general fear of being a "failure" with my "dreams". I started building momentum in '06, and had quite a few adventures and moments of genuine smiling through the process. After the label I worked with (STLP) folded in summer 2009, I saw myself back in 2004, with the realization that I was again, on my own. I proceeded to write and record my new album, "Falling Becomes Great" and released it in August, 2010 with this huge outlined path to take so I could effectively make this record the "one" that takes me to that next level. Whatever that next level may be.

After the release party of Falling, I just....stopped...doing...anything. Wake. Work. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat. I noticed my phone rarely rang at all and people who I felt would never leave my side just started to disappear. Nobody's fault really. I slowly felt disconnected from those closest to me, and maybe I needed that...with that said, I had enough. I had to leave, go, run away, and scream some where else for awhile.

I have some very good friends from the now defunct STLP imprint who decided to pave their way on the West Coast in the form of Portland, Oregon. It just so happens around the time I pulled my internal plug from the world's socket, another good friend was taking a cross country road trip to visit the West for awhile. I decided it was time to go. Not for good, but for now. And if there is anything I learned from that cross country road trip in a van, the NOW is very much so important. Destination: Portland.

There is something beautiful to be said about traveling across the country, and if you ever get a chance...DO IT! Do NOT get in a plane. Get your chapped ass in a vehicle, and drive. With every mile of distance I gained from where my roots held so firmly to the ground, I felt a sense of feeling refreshed. I could finally be who I am, without anybody having prior knowledge in which to judge me with.

Once we reached Portland, we were greeted with smiles and embracing hugs and I took a huge breath and said, "ahh, this is love". I spent 10 days exploring everything I could possibly see with people I deeply care for and recommend sharing as many eye opening experiences with others as possible. I met oddly beautiful souls, and fell in love with the oddness. I saw life on the Pacific Coast in the middle of a huge rain storm, and let it engulf my very core. I finally let go. I carry these feelings with every step I take, and hope I can spread some West Coast love back here on the East.

I could rant for hours on the subject, and fill you with all the intimates details. But, what it comes down to simply is this: Get out of your comfort zone. Meet people for no reason. Take a walk in the woods alone. Swim at the bottom of a waterfall. Tell people that you appreciate them. We all walk alone in our own heads, and tend to forget how truly connected we all really are.

I implore you to live the life you want, and put cattle chutes around your vision while creating that life. Remember, if you are not comfortable in your own skin, how can you impact the lives of others? I look forward to meeting as many of you in my travels as possible, and hope my life will inspire you to do the same...til next time...take a walk alone before your independence dies, because you may not like the outcome of being led by others...

P.S. Wellis, Gard, Joey, Snake, and Vanessa. Thank you, for you all have caused me to find myself again.

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