Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Which Way to Go?!

My life has been incredibly obvious to me as of late. Internally, I'm feeling as vibrant as a freshly painted Bob Ross tree, seeking out my path and spirituality (NOT religion) and damning myself for not doing so earlier. Daily meditation, coupled with eating more raw foods, and no longer consuming caffeine. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I had soda, and even began to (GASP!) exercise.

My next step: those damn cigarettes. It's a tough habit to break, but my discipline has been growing to the point where I think I can tackle the little turd of a habit very soon. Besides, I'm finding it really difficult to claim to be somebody who speaks out against the powers that be, including the corporate monster going on, then smoke a chemical bombshell of a stick put out by them pieces of shit over at Philip Morris USA. Yea Phil, I'm talking to you. However, I have found rolling my own cigarettes to not only be a daily exercise in the discipline of staying consistent, the tobacco I buy is just that...tobacco. I saw the list of chemicals one is exposed to in cigarettes, and it makes me feel as if I'm slapping my own face every time I smoke. I now purchase bulk tobacco free of chemicals (or so I'm told).

And finally, I'm headed back to school. Putting on my big boy pants some may classify this as. For what, I'm not exactly sure. All I know is whatever it is, it's eventually going to be used as a boot to be firmly planted in the ass of the elite, or to empower those I love and help them along in their life path.

With working 50+ hours, going to school full time, on a mission to become balanced in body and spirit, sharing time with my loved ones, and trying to chase the whole dream of being a musician...Can you see how I have very little time to fully jump in the bowl of musical jello and just get the ish done. I see the guys going on tour, and doing big things. I just put out Falling Becomes Great, and haven't lifted a finger to promote it. It's easily my worst selling project, yet has gained the most critical praise out of anything I've released on a commercial level. Maybe people haven't been honest with me over the years. Maybe I don't have "it".

Yes, it is about the love. But until we learn that the concept of money is a big 'ol lie and abandon it, to be alive is automatic debt, according to our system. To take a dump in a toilet and flush it, costs money. To heal and receive treatment so you don't die costs an exponential amount of money. Think about that. Don't browse over it, let it sink in your controlled veins.

The bottom line is this: Am I taking a hobby too seriously? Or, am I taking a gift not serious enough? I have all of these amazing ideas, on how I can use art and creation to help others...traveling the world in a veggie oil run bus, sharing art and information, backing artists I feel deserve a solid push into the musical realm and see if we can truly make some shit happen. Not just money. I'm tired of money. In fact, I hate it. If I were given a million dollars, I'd get all of my family off the grid, living sustainably on a land trust. We'd then proceed to declare sovereignty from this system, and the rest would be used to provide food and shelter to complete strangers who need it. You'd be surprised at how many people I know that do not believe me when I say money doesn't mean anything to me. It's worthless paper, good for aiding in starting a fire to keep warm during the winter solstice. That's it.

So, is that what I do? Should I revamp the whole vision of owning a business used to help and push others forward towards TRUTH, while keeping a roof over my head? Or just. let. it. go....and move on, go to school, take another direction and run the risk of conformity due to the pressure of daily life. Oh my, the pressure. There is a constant weight in the center of my chest. It's with me when I wake, and causes me to sweat when I sleep. Meditation eases it. Walking through any door that has the word: "J-O-B" above it brings it back. I'm sick of paid slave labor being given a positive light. I'll save that rant for another blog.

What would you do? In fact, I know each and every one of you are dreamers, even if you don't openly admit it. And if you have accepted what we see as reality, then you have given up.

I'll end this with a scenario and I hope I get some feedback. But, unfortunately, Clear Channel doesn't support people like me, so I doubt the reader base is thick enough for a great conversation being started. Maybe if my name were Lil Wayne, and I rapped like my nuts were in a vice grip about drinking cough syrup and seeing how many shortie's lives I can ruin in one night, then I'd get some responses. This shit is all backwards, and I'm really close to having enough of it. Okay, scenario time:

A non profit, "green" (no, not like the green washing trend going on now), "green" as in seeking/spreading truth focused record label. Not limited to just music, but also represent painters, poets, sculpters, and just people who create amazing things that would normally go unnoticed. Tours being set up and sent out in an ethical manner. Clothing that makes a statement, yet isn't made in sweatshops. Information awareness. All of this bundled up in one organized business.

If I did something of this nature, would you help? Would you offer a little bit of time to aid in pushing this forward? Should I pursue this further? Or, just do music here and there "for the love", and let it disintegrate into a rocking chair memory to share with my grand kids and their fellow little Rascals. Either way, I'm doing fine...but, I just need to know..."What if" is something I'm tired of saying, and would much rather find out.

Peace and love kids, spread light and help each other, cuz nobody else will.